You already are
by Calypsana
Summary: "She remembered everything, every single little detail was etched on her mind forever. She could still hear the gunshot and the shriek that had left her own mouth when he had turned around to face her, blood dripping from his stomach. She knew that nothing would ever erase this painful memory from her mind." One-shot


**Hi fanfiction world! It's been a while. So here is one-shot I wrote. It's kind of a version of the 100th episode but still very different from what's probably going to happen.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

Aria's eyes suddenly shot open; she could hear her own heart pounding furiously against her ribcage as her chest heaved rapidly.

"Aria?"

She looked around her, not even remembering where she was, the horrible pictures of her nightmare still so vivid on her mind. It took her a few seconds to realize where she was, and her eyes finally met Ezra's worried face hovering above her.

"Are you alright?" He asked her, his voice full of concern.

Aria nodded before straightening up on his couch where she had apparently fallen asleep. She let out a sigh of relief at the thought that everything seemed to be fine and that it was just one of her nightmares.

"Where are the girls?" She asked, confused, when she noticed that her friends weren't here anymore. They had come to Ezra's apartment after school like almost every day. They were used to meeting up with Ezra in order to eventually find out the identity of the person who was making their lives a living hell, thanks to Ezra's information and researches.

"They left about one hour ago. We figured it was better to let you sleep a little as you seemed very tired."

Aria nodded. "Thank you."

She ran her hand across her sweaty forehand before trying to rearrange her messy dark locks.

She was very tired indeed. She had been having troubles sleeping almost every night due to her nightmares. She didn't even remember the last time she had slept peacefully throughout the whole night.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Ezra asked her with concern. "Are you still having nightmares?"

She bit on her lip before shaking her head. "It's nothing, don't worry." She didn't want to talk about it, especially with him. She couldn't. She hadn't even told the girls about her nightmares, not wanting to worry them. The only person who knew was Mike as he had heard her screaming a couple of times during the night, but she hadn't really told him what they were about. He had respected her choice and had stayed with her until she fell back asleep without asking questions.

"What time is it?" She asked Ezra.

"Almost seven."

"I probably should go then," Aria announced, getting up from Ezra's couch and picking up her purse.

"Are you sure?" Ezra suddenly asked. "I mean, you could…we could…" He awkwardly started, wavering slightly. "Maybe we could eat something before you leave." He hesitantly asked.

They hadn't really had the opportunity to spend some time alone together since he had gotten back from the hospital, and Ezra was craving it. Of course, they were just "friends" but he missed her immensely and was looking forward to talking to her without having her four friends around.

"I could go out to buy some food. Plus, Mrs. Rosenthal came by and brought me that while you were sleeping." Ezra added, pointing to a plate on his little table.

"Key lime pie?!" Aria noticed as she looked at the delicious looking dessert that Ezra's neighbor had made.

Ezra nodded. "Yes. I'll definitely need someone to help me eat that," he said with a smile. "So, what do you think?"

As he saw her hesitating he quickly added. "But you don't have to. If you want to go, it's perfectly fine." The last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable. He didn't want to pressure her into doing anything she wasn't ready for.

"No, I…I'd love to." Aria replied, causing a smile to play on Ezra's lips.

* * *

"I really missed vegan takeout!" Ezra stated as he finished his plate, one hour later. After Aria had agreed to stay over, Ezra had gone out to buy food, while Aria was setting the table.

"I don't believe you!" Aria said with a smile.

"Aria, I ate hospital food during four weeks, everything tastes good compared to that, even vegan food." Ezra said, causing Aria to laugh softly. The truth was that he had never liked vegan food, but yet sometimes he would suddenly crave it. Not because he loved that, but because it was forever associated to Aria. It was _their_ thing, among many other things like black and white movies or cartoons on Saturday mornings.

"I still remember the first time I made you eat vegan. You should have seen your face, it was priceless." Aria teasingly said as she smiled at the memory.

"Really?" Ezra said, a quizzical expression upon his face.

She nodded in affirmation. "It was. You tried so hard to pretend that you liked it when I knew you totally hated it."

"Well, I also remember someone pretending to love my pesto pasta," Ezra replied with a smirk as he remembered their very first dinner together.

"But I did love your pesto pasta!"

Ezra raised an eyebrow causing Aria to give up.

"Okay. It was a complete disaster."

They both burst out laughing at her confession.

It warmed Ezra's heart to see her like that, so joyful, like the Aria he knew and loved. He would never forget her devastated face when she had found out about the book. He had really realized the true consequences of what he had done when he had stared into her eyes that day on the ski lift. The pain in her big hazel eyes that he loved so much had been so intense that it had brought tears to his own eyes. He wished he could go back to the past to erase that painful moment, but he knew it was impossible. He would never forget. It was etched on his mind forever. And he deserved it. He deserved to remember how much he had hurt the girl he loved. Seeing her so devastated and broken, and knowing that it was all because of him was his punishment. He had never thought that he would one day whiteness her in such a terrible state, and especially that he would be the one responsible for that.

"What?" Aria asked him, pulling him out of his thoughts.

Ezra gave her a wistful smile. "Nothing. I just…nothing. I'm going to go get the dessert." He said before getting up.

He came back a few seconds later with two plates and handed one to Aria before sitting down next to her.

Aria wasted no time and took the pie in her hands to bring it to her mouth before biting into it.

"Hum, I swear, Mrs. Rosenthal deserves an award for this pie!" Aria said with delight."This woman has a real gift!"

But Ezra didn't even hear what she said as his eyes went down to her lips where some whipped cream had remained. It brought him back to the day they had eaten the brownie that Aria had made for them. Just like now, she had gotten some whipped cream on her lips and, as she had been about to wipe it off, he had stopped her and kissed her.

He tried to tear his eyes away from her lips but couldn't bring himself to do so, and things got even worse when she brushed her tongue over her lips. Like the last time, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her, to savor the taste of her lips mixed up with the whipped cream. How much time had passed since he had last kissed her? Two months? Three? To him, it seemed like an eternity.

He suddenly looked up and met Aria's eyes which were watching him intensively. He swallowed hard as the sexual tension between them thickened. It would be so easy to just lean forward and press his lips against hers, to just give in to his desire and feelings, but he knew better. He would never do that. They were just started to reconnect even if it was only as friends, and he would never take the risk of making her uncomfortable and ruining everything between them once again.

He didn't know if they could ever go back to where they were, if they still had a chance of being a couple, but the most important was that she was here, that she was still willing to be a part of his life. He was already so grateful that she kept talking to him, so grateful that he got the chance to see her almost every day. And if being nothing more than her friend was what she wanted from him, then he would accept it.

He finally looked away from her and Aria quickly wiped her mouth with her napkin, avoiding his gaze as she felt her cheeks redden.

She had really thought that he was going to kiss her. Would she have stopped him? Probably not. She had wanted it, so much that she had even been on the point to make the first move before he looked away, but it was probably for the best.

They finished eating the pie and, since it wasn't too late, they decided to watch a movie. Ezra let Aria choose and they ended up watching _Laura, _Otto Preminger's greatest success. Aria put the DVD into the lector and joined Ezra who was already on the couch. She settled at a reasonable distance from him and they started watching the movie, sharing their impressions from time to time.

Halfway through the movie, Ezra's breath hitched in his throat when he suddenly felt Aria leaning her head on his shoulder, until he realized that she had fallen asleep again. He smiled to himself and, unable to resist, delicately ran his fingers through her dark curls before pressing a light kiss at the top of her head. He knew she probably wouldn't have done that if she had been awake, but it felt so good to have her so close to him after all this time. It almost felt like old times, but he knew it wasn't. Everything was different now.

Half an hour later, as the movie was almost over, Aria began to stir against him. He thought she was waking up, but she suddenly started to become more agitated.

"Aria?" He gently called out her name.

She whimpered and it became clear to Ezra that she was having another nightmare.

"Aria, wake up." He gently shook her, trying to wake her up from whatever nightmare she was having.

Her eyes suddenly shot open and she pulled away from him as she sat up, breathing hard and shaking slightly.

"Aria, it's okay." Ezra told her softly as he worriedly looked at Aria's panicked face who was trying hard not to cry. "It was just a nightmare."

Aria closed her eyes and exalted sharply, trying to control her ragged breathing.

Ezra reached out for one of her hands causing her to look up at him. "Aria, you're safe. I know you're scared but A won't hurt you." He tried to reassure her. "I promised the girls and you that I will help you find out the truth and I will keep my promise. We will bring them down. I promise. But in the meantime, you have nothing to be worried about. Nobody will hurt you. I won't let them to."

Aria took her hand away from his as she shook her head. "You don't get it. I'm not worried about A hurting me. That's not what my nightmares are about."

Ezra furrowed his brows in confusion. "So what are they about?"

Aria bit the inside of her cheek before looking away. "Ezra, I…I don't want to talk about that. I should go." She got up from the couch but Ezra gently grabbed her arm, causing her to sit back down on the couch.

He placed a finger under her chin and forced her to look at him. "Aria, you know you can talk to me. What's bothering you? I just want to help you."

Aria sighed in defeat, and Ezra could clearly see the tears filling her eyes as she started speaking.

"It's about you." She confessed. "Every time I close my eyes, I relive that night on the roof."

It was always the same thing. Over and over again. Night after night. She remembered everything, every single little detail was etched on her mind forever. She could still hear the gunshot and the shriek that had left her own mouth when he had turned around to face her, blood dripping from his stomach. She could still feel the blood on her own trembling hands as she had tried to apply pressure on his wound. She knew that nothing would ever erase this horrible memory from her mind.

"Aria," Ezra said, tenderly brushing a piece of hair off her face, feeling as the simple gesture caused a shiver to run through her body. "I am perfectly fine."

"But you weren't that night!" Aria replied as a tear escaped her eye before rolling down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away with the back of her hand, trying to pull herself together. "There was so much blood." She continued, her voice shaking with emotion. "I tried to apply pressure on your wound but it wasn't enough, you wouldn't stop bleeding. We didn't have our phones to call the 911, Hanna and Emily had to leave to try to find help. You were unconscious; I had to press my ear on your chess every two seconds to make sure you were still breathing." By now, tears were cascading down her cheeks, and she didn't even bother wiping them away, more would come anyway.

She hadn't talked with anyone about that night until now. She hadn't even wanted to discuss it with her mother when she had asked her questions; it was too painful. She had always thought that the night Alison had disappeared had been the worst moment of her life, but not anymore. Now it was the night she had seen the man she loved almost dying in her arms, as she had watched, totally powerless. But now she needed to get that out of her chest.

"Then, when the paramedics finally arrived," she continued. "they asked me to remove my hand from your wound but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I was so scared that if I did, you would bleed to death. I know it was stupid but…I couldn't even think straight." A sob escaped her mouth as she finally wiped her tears away.

"Aria…" Ezra didn't even know what to say. He had no idea that she felt that way. Every time they had made an allusion to that night, it had been to talk about A or what they had seen. They had barely talked about the fact that he had been shot.

"When we reached the hospital, they took you to the operating room." Aria kept telling him about this horrible night. "I stayed in the waiting room during three hours. Every time a doctor would come, my heart would jump out of my chest. I was so scared. I didn't know what to do. I even went to the chapel."

A small smile spread across Ezra's face knowing Aria wasn't religious at all.

"I kept thinking: _'What if I never see him again?' _I told myself that I had asked for it as I had told you that I never wanted to see you again."

"Aria, you were angry and you had every right to be."

"Then they brought you back to your room and told me the surgery had gone well, and they let me stay with you for a few minutes. I thought it was over, that you were going to be fine, and all of a sudden you were flatlining. I called for help and they asked me to leave the room. And then I…I kind of lost it. I couldn't breathe. At all. A nurse had to take me to a room and make me breathe into a paper bag. I thought I…I really thought I was going to lose you." Aria confessed, tears streaming down her face.

"Hey," Ezra said as he cupped her face in both of his hands. "Aria, I am fine now."

"Why did you even do that?" She asked, anger rising in her voice as she removed his hands from her face. "Why did you even try to stop A? It was crazy! You could have died!"

Until now, she hadn't even realized that she was angry with him for risking his life for her. Of course, she was extremely grateful, but the fear of losing him was still so strong that she was angry with him for taking such a big risk. She knew she wouldn't have been able to get over it if he hadn't made it.

Ezra looked at her, bewildered. "Aria, I had to. They would have killed you all!"

"You don't know that!" She replied. "Maybe they just wanted to scare us."

"Aria," Ezra seriously started. "I don't regret anything I did that night. If I had to do it again, I would. I'd have never forgiven myself if something had happened to you."

"What about me?" Aria said, her voice a mix of anger and pain. "What…what would I have done if you hadn't woken up?"

Ezra watched as some other tears fell down her cheeks as she looked away from him. Once again, he cupped her face between his hands and gently wiped her tears away with his thumb.

"Aria, look at me," he told her, looking straight into her glossy eyes. "I'm so sorry you had to go through it. But you don't have to worry about me anymore. This is over. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded as her hands joined his on her cheeks. Ezra gently brushed his thumb over her wet skin as he offered her a small smile. He didn't miss the way Aria's eyes fell on his lips, and he slightly leaned toward her. He stopped at a few inches from her mouth, letting her the choice to decide what was going to happen next. They shared a look filled with longing before Aria closed her eyes and softly pressed her mouth against his.

Ezra didn't even respond to her kiss, almost afraid that if he did, she would pull away. He tried to enjoy the delicious feeling of her soft lips against his. _It had been so long!_ When, after a few seconds, she wrapped her arms around his neck, he finally started to kiss her back. He was very hesitant as his lips moved against hers, one of his hands burying into her long locks.

This kiss had nothing to do with all the passionate kisses they were used to sharing. It was very hesitant but more intense, and filled with so many different emotions.

Ezra didn't think he would ever feel that again, this sensation of being right where he was supposed to be. Once again he realized how much he loved her, how much of a fool he had been to write this stupid book. He had really lost track of what was important, but he would never make that mistake again.

After a few minutes which seemed like an eternity to him, but way too short at the same time, Aria pulled away, breathless and pressed her forehead against his.

"I missed that." She let out in a whisper, her eyes still closed.

"So did I." Ezra replied as they finally looked at each other.

"Can I stay the night?" She asked him.

Ezra looked at her, unsure of what to say. "Aria, I'm not sure that it's-"

"We won't do anything," she quickly clarified. "My father is out of town and Mike is with a friend, I just…I just don't want to be alone tonight."

Ezra nodded in affirmation. "Okay then. If it's what you want, so of course you can stay."

* * *

Half an hour later, Ezra got out of the bathroom and joined Aria who was already in his bed. She was wearing one of his old Hollis T-shirts like she was used to every time she stayed over. He smiled at her as he climbed into bed, being careful to stay at a reasonable distance from her. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable in any way. It felt strange to have her here, in his bed, as if nothing had changed, even if he did know that it wasn't the case.

He pulled the comforter over them before turning off the lights. Aria immediately moved closer to him and snuggled against him.

He didn't say anything and wrapped his arms around her body before kissing the top of her head as she sighed in contentment.

Aria's hand rested on his chest and he suddenly felt her tense when her fingers felt something through his shirt.

"Please, turn on the light," she asked him softly.

Ezra did as she asked and watched as she pushed up his shirt a little to stare at something on his torso: his scar.

It was the first time Aria was seeing his scar, the reminder of the night which kept haunting her. She swallowed hard as she stared at it before delicately brushing one of her fingers across the healing skin, causing shivers to run throughout Ezra's body.

She finally looked up at him and met his gaze, her eyes full of emotion.

"Does it still hurt?"

Ezra shrugged. "Sometimes. But not as much as it used to."

Aria looked at him intensively before bending her head down to, very carefully, press a light kiss on his scar. Ezra sucked in a breath and ran his fingers through her long hair as Aria pressed another kiss on his scar before finding his mouth. This time the kiss was way more confident and passionate. Aria deepened the kiss and Ezra eagerly responded, opening his mouth wider when he felt her tongue on his bottom lip. His lips got down on her neck as she moaned softly. They were both starting to get lost in the moment but Ezra found enough willpower to pull away when she suddenly started to remove her T-shirt.

"Aria, wait, stop." He said, breathless, as he straightened up on the bed.

"What's wrong?" She asked worriedly. "Did I hurt you?"

Ezra shook his head in negation. "Not at all. But we can't do that. I don't think you're ready for that, Aria." He knew how much he had hurt her and he wasn't sure she was truly ready to bring their relationship to such an intimate level again.

As much as he wanted to make love to her tonight, he knew better than just give in to his desire. She was in a very emotional state right now and he didn't want her to do something she would regret the day after.

Aria looked at him, biting on her lip. Was she ready for that? She wasn't sure either. Had she forgiven him? Maybe not totally. But if there was something that she knew for sure, it was that she loved him, even more than she ever thought she was capable of. Seeing him almost dying in her arms had made her realize that.

Was she ready to make love with him? She knew they still had a long way to go, but she did want this. She wanted to reconnect with him in every way possible.

"I want this, Ezra," she told him softly.

Ezra sighed as he put some distance between them. "You think you do, but I think it's too soon. I don't want you to regret that. I hurt you so much, Aria..."

Aria nodded. "Yes you did." She seriously started. "I hated you so much. I really thought I'd never be able to forgive you. And then when you got shot…It was so strange, you know. One minute I wanted you out of my life forever, and the next one, I'd have given everything to get a chance to talk to you and be with you." She confessed with honesty. "I don't know how things are going to be between us, I don't know if we will ever be able to go back to the way we were, but what I know is that I want to try because I…" She hesitated for a moment before saying the words that Ezra would have never imagined hearing from her again. "I love you."

A smile spread across Ezra's face at her words. He gently caressed her cheek, replacing a lock behind her ear. "I love you too. So much. And I promise you that from now on, I'll try to be the man that you deserve. You can trust me on that."

Aria brushed her hand across his forehead before whispering softly. "I trust you."

Ezra smiled tenderly at her words which meant so much to him until they both leaned toward one another, their lips meeting in a heated kiss. He flipped her over and she wrapped her legs around his waist as they kissed passionately.

They made love that night. It was very different from what it used to be. It's not that it wasn't as good as usual or better, it was just different. More delicate, both of them being so soft and careful with each other, and in way, more intense.

They both knew everything wasn't perfect and that they still had a long way to go, but they were both willing to make things work.

"You already are." Aria suddenly whispered a few hours later, as they were both starting to fall asleep, their naked bodies untangled with each other.

Ezra opened his sleepy eyes, confused. "What?"

Aria brushed her index finger across his scar once again, remembering the crazy thing that he done for her that night.

"The man that I deserve," she said, referencing to what he had told her a few moments ago. "You already are."

* * *

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**(Also I'm sorry for any mistake.)**

** Twitter: AnythingForHale**


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